SAHM – A Decision – My Decision

It’s half past four in the morning in my part of the world and there is not a bird cooing or a dog barking on the streets. My little girl sleeps and so does her dad. I am up. I have been meaning to write this post for quite some time now and I have finally managed to cross over my lethargy to be up now and write this here. I have taken one of the most important decisions in my life. I quit. I quit my full time job and have now cosily snuggled up to the profile of a SAHM. Say what?! SAHM… Stay-At-Home-Mum 🙂 It gives me great relief and I feel proud of myself. Proud because there have been very few decisions that I have taken for myself and stood by myself for it and felt good and THIS IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THEM.

I gave it a try. Of resuming work leaving my two and a half year old in a day care for some time and then with my Mom in law along with a nanny at home. The experiences were great. Both times. Great day care…really great. And an equally good Nanny with a very supporting mother in law. But I was still not at peace. I would toss and turn and get guilt pangs. I was not the same at work. I wanted to work but I did not want deadlines. I wanted to perform but I was definitely done with twenty something olds competing with me. Times at work have changed and so have values and I felt lost somewhere. I saw everything from the perspective of a Mother. Nothing felt more real. I started feeling like I have to speak up for all the mothers in the world who wanted to work and earn their own self respect and esteem and still enjoy motherhood. While I continued to deliver my duties, my mind was wandering in my child’s school premises and my heart was sad for not tucking her to bed for her afternoon nap.

Please do not get me wrong. It is definitely worth a try – to resume work after having a baby. Some organisations or some people are definitely trying to help mothers get back to work but MOST AREN’T. They do not know what the big deal it is. I love the community of parents today and the way social networks help parents across the world share their views and experiences of parenting. I wanted to jump headlong and I have done it. It’s not the most comfy of situations after having worked continuously for more than a decade. But it’s worth the while.

I just wanted to share and I just wanted the world to listen.

And what about Moina?! Well, she is happiest that I quit. She is growing up way too soon. Dear Lord. She has new songs on her lips, she has the clearest idea of what she wants to wear and how she wants to look at school and when she goes down to play with her friends. She has a ‘friend’ already whom she calls her own. She yearns for her cousin ‘Shiuli’ who she hasn’t seen in half a year and won’t call anyone else a sister but her (I miss Shiuli too who will soon move across countries). She has learnt to use the iPad (I am not very proud of), makes small roti breads with her oh-sho-tiny hands, has learnt the names of vegetables and fruits she hasn’t seen or tasted yet, she has started her first lessons in Classical Indian Dance and also getting better at her doodles. I still don’t have answers to how the Beanstalk grew so fast overnight in Jack and the Beanstalk, I am struggling to answer when she asks me where is “Charming Prince” of her pretty doll gift that someone gifted her with, she asks me why I absolutely must exercise and why I go for walks without her, I have no reasons to give when she asks me why some child in her class pinched her or pushed her… I am getting there. May be someday I will have those answers. Maybe I need some Bournvita along with her myself to equip my brain better.

I still marvel at her exquisite sense of comprehension and I believe the divinity is working on her. It’s fun. I absolutely love pottering around the house with her unlearning my ways of dealing with people to understand her better. Parenting is such a leveller, so humbling and yet fills you with so much pride at the same time.

I fill my days with good housekeeping (practically and not just reading the mag), planning and working on my upcoming venture as a Mom-preneur (more on that soon), hosting get-togethers, reading, writing a lot, painting and designing a lot and running in circles with Moina little. Well, I am just happy to join the bandwagon of SAHMs and it’s fun.

See you around soon.